The Jokes Thread

[Trevor Harvey]

Subject: Parental Learning

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house, 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough; however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20-ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long
way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already
too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old boy.
11.) Play-dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still
can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show that they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats
dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends -
with or without kids.

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.
b) For those who already have children past this age - this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age - this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children - this is birth control.